God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize