How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I will be naked everywhere
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
