The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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