Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
