i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
