If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
