This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
