shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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