so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
