I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize