i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
