You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
