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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me

  (847): View more from Illinois

  No promises.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  So I just got motorboated by my grandma…

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• (845): View more from New York

  You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.

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