Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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