Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.