laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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