I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
