glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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