She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
