I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.