Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
