i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize