That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm at about main and main street
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
