Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
