I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
