I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
