so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
