need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
