it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
