Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
