They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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