You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
