Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
