nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize