I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
