I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
