got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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