we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
