Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
