Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Randomize