i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
