remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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