I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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