i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
