If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
