totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize