The brown eye won't let me do that either.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
