mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
