i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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