Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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