she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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