you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
