if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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