i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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