girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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