fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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