next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
