This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
