please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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