Buhtt sex?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
