We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
