this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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