My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
