New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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