And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
