You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
grandma shit on top of the toilet
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
