i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
