Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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