How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
