just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
