Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
