i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
