I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
