I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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