Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
