if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think your dad took our porno
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
