It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
