Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
