are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
