okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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