The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
