so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
