I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
